moving further

My trustworthy phone died in a tragic way & I'm feeling so lifeless.
Have to admit though, I am lifeless. I am extremely lazy to do anything, that's why I didn't update this blog for a long time. Now, I have to wait for my new phone.
Speaking of having an useless journey of life, apa yang aku dah buat selama ni?
Tidur, terbangun, stalk orang, try tidur tapi tak boleh, bukak gambar, bukak lagu?
I had sleepless nights lately, I'll be up from bed on 2 a.m. every night, thinking about almost everything.
Pergi sekolah, belajar, balik, tidur.
Homeworks untouched & claiming that my life is useless.
What should I do?
I have to change but I don't have the mood to change.
All I think of is when I'm being happy, I'll end up being sad at the end of the day.
I tried to be cool, to be quiet & do my own things. But I didn't like it sometimes.
I'm already 16 for fuck sake, I have to grow up.
I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy.
But... when I think everything back, I don't deserve to be happy.
If you think you're heartless, hahah how to be heartless like you?




Bapak random sial, apa aku merepek
Now, back on replaying memories.

I miss you.

I miss your smiles.

Because they make me feel calm whenever I saw them

and make me feel very glad if I know they're for me.

I miss the sound of your laughs,

it maybe sounds goofy to you but to me,

it's like a good tune that echoes at the back of my mind

whenever I want to remind myself

how happy you are, with or without me.

I miss the way you look at me

whenever I caught you doing it,

no matter how far or how near we are.

I miss the times when you just talk

& tell me everything.

Facts, stories, or even random sounds you make.

I don't care if it's funny or sad,

I don't even feel tired hearing all of it

even if you already told me about it

long time ago.

I miss the way you hold me,

long hugs, the cuddles or even just holding hands,

the tight grip that says

"I will never ever let you go.",

even if you did not realize how deep it means to me.

I miss being teased by you. Playful ones.

I maybe looked like I'm annoyed

but sometimes

you can't trust my reaction.

I miss your kisses.

Especially the soft ones.

Even a peck on one of my cheeks before I sleep,

or just an emoticon in our texts,

it will always make my day and night

everytime I imagine the feeling after being kissed.

I miss those little things you did.

Like the jokes you told & you said it wasn't funny,

like the way you talk about yourself

& how was your day,

like the way you sing,

or even the way you text me randomly.

There's more of them, if only I can list them all & I love every single one of them.

Even if it's so little

until you feel like I'm ridiculous.

Reminding myself about these things
will always make me feel fine after a rough day
& I will sleep peacefully
if I started to think about you & the little things I love about you
before I went to bed.

No one can ever make me feel this appreciative about someone like you do,

even if you didn't ask me to care, even if you ever think that I didn't even care.

But I do care, I do realize everything about you,

the way you walk, the way you talk.

Even sometimes not having you by my side saddens me

but nothing can make me feel more sad

than realizing that I won't feel all of these things again

when one of us left each other,

when the day comes.

But for now, when I still have the time, the chance

I just wanted you to know

that I miss you.

Only you.

-anonymous

dot dot dot

Have you ever, did something wrong for a couple of times; you know you did it, but someone has had enough with your bullshit & you can't do anything to make them come back? To make them okay with you like things used to? To make them not pissed off about you, to make them trust you back? Yeah, I'm one of this kind of stupid people, selfish & didn't think properly before doing something. That moment when words are fucking useless & I made people leave, by myself. By my own fucking self. I decided to blog this out because I am so pissed with myself. I didn't appreciate everything that I had, until God decide to take them back. For example; happiness. For the second time, I am selfish. I'm only thinking about myself, my own feelings, not other people's feelings. I'm only thinking about my own happiness, until people decide to leave me for their own happiness. & I can't do anything, except accepting the fact that I am a bad person. 

Today, I didn't do well in class. I was sleepy as fuck so I drank a tin of Nescafe, latte to be precise, & I fucked up. I can't stop shivering & well, I think I made my own suicidal move. I puked everything I ate for lunch. & why am I telling you about this? Oh um I'm talking to myself. So I stopped everything, I dropped myself in my deep thoughts, thinking about what is happening & before I went napping, I thought about the sins I did. Randomly.

Not trying to be proud for not being a saint but I, myself, am not a good Muslim. I skipped my prayers, did some shits, a liar, not appreciating everything I had & I was lost. No, don't blame my parents. They're very good in teaching their kids to be a good Muslim. People might think I'm innocent but everybody is not perfect, right? I asked my dad some questions about prayers, & I don't know, I went straight to the toilet, took my wudhu' & did my Zuhur prayer. & I feel so peaceful for a while.

For the first time, I cried in my prayer. That feeling when you just spill out everything, when you have no one to talk to. When people didn't know what's your problem that you're facing, alone. I didn't tell my friends, my parents, anyone. Yeah I do looked dreadful at school today but when they asked me what's wrong; I said "I'm fine, I took a caffeinated drink & I wanna puke. One wrong move, then your uniform will be my tissue."

But still, I am mad with myself. For making a lot of trouble to people. I feel like I wanna move away from here so that they're happy. Because they had enough with my selfish needs, & I think that's the only way to make them okay like nothing happened. To make them stop being mad at me. But now, I don't know what to do.

Out of blue

Hi, lovely people. School holidays are about to start but so far, I'm unhappy with my weekend. I don't want to tell you why, I don't want to spoil your weekend. I deactivated my Twitter & I don't how long I can last without Twitter. I'm on Instagram now, stalking people to fill up my time that I usually used for tweeting & some shit like that. So don't worry, I didn't blocked you on Twitter if you followed me there.

I guess that's the only thing I wanna tell you. I don't know what to do lol that's why I'm here. Oh & I cut my hair.

blame to the....

What am I thinking?

What is really happening on my mind?

Where do these doubts came from?

"Expect the unexpected things."

"Hopes, a big no no."

they said.

Random things went running through every cells & nerves in my brain. People might took it as overthinking (yes it is overthinking, can't deny) but for me, it's like taking precaution about what will happen in the future. It can be about anything. Yeah it is tiring & it can sometimes affect my mood. So many things happened in the past few years until present & umm, some of it gave me frights about life & the future.

I'm too sensitive about the things around me. Especially if it's about the people I know, about the things I'm in to. I tried so hard not to be so caring & break my own heart but I failed. Even songs & movies can affect my mood (like, deeply affects my mood), that's how sensitive I am & yeah I don't think people can understand. Some people might think I don't give a damn about my life/them but honestly, I might be crying about my exam marks, or even creeping on some strangers' tweets or Instagram photos & comments by now. I do give a damn about the people around me. Like some other people's problem; if I don't care at all, they'll leave. If I care too much, I'll be hurt. & I had enough of dealing people who left me hanging with unknown reasons & blames that I have to carry around. & I keep blaming myself even though it's obviously their fault.

Enough rants for today (which is pretty random & yeah it's fucking random & pointless). I'm started to feel something's stuck in my throat & my nose is started to block my respiration system. I think this is the reason why I feel emo for all the sudden; runny nose & sore throat.

So society, how's life so far? Pretty good? Had a down fall? Mine's pretty... plain. Unknown. Ordinary. Yeah you don't have to know. I lost my earphone from last week & it's pretty fucked up. I used my mom's iPhone earphones (it's not earpods, it's a regular one) & it's hurting my ears like.... I can't even hear my songs longer than usual. How am I gonna isolate myself from the world properly? Hah, another thing to be depressed about.

One of the things that makes me less upset is my workout routine. Please lah believe that I'm starting to workout by myself. Some of you may know that I'm underweight (38kg & I'm so fucking happy that I've gained weight) & I have to gain 5kg more to reach the normal weight. But when I started to realize my cheeks are becoming more chubbier & my tummy isn't flat anymore... I need to stretch & shits before it's too late.

Oh & Pierce The Veil's songs made me feel less upset too. Even though they made me cry sometimes.

Tomorrow's school.

New principal, means new rules (I guess).

New classmates.

New class name.

New shitty class schedule.

New responsible.

Help. Me.

Who would?

Wassaaaap everybody in here, how's it going?

Damn this is so awkward for me to continue, I haven't update this blog for ages. People started to disappear from this blogging world & I think I'm going to use this blog for some reasons like; bored, got things to talk about which people don't really care, rants, complaints, rants, rants, & rants. As you can see, I'm starting to use '&' than the actual spelling (I meant 'and' lol) & wow, I didn't expect people to visit here (except the spambots about crappy business & whatever shit I received at my chatbox hahaha) since it's like... a ghost town in here.

It's almost the end of February & umm there's a lot of things going on from the past few months. Form 4 is such a pain in the ass & I really should start being serious with my studies but whoops, first exam is next week & I didn't revise anything.... yet. I've been selected to 4 Lukisan Kejuruteraan & it's like a blessing for me but I don't know if I'm worth it. Addmaths is not being nice to me, but I can cope with Chemistry & Physics a bit. I really really really need help in Addmaths, but I don't know laaaaaaaaaa I really need to overcome this problem before it's too late... oh well I should start studying now.

Since I didn't update for a long time.... there's a lot of things happened & these things are unexpected ahh well hidup ni penuh dengan kejadian-kejadian yang tidak dijangka so tak boleh nak buat apa laa kan? Even though macam takda orang baca blog ni, I really should tell everything. If korang rajin stalk my Instagram, my Twitter, my Facebook (sana pun dah macam ghost town), well... you shouldn't continue this post ha ha ha.

My PMR result?

Bahasa Malaysia    - A

Bahasa Inggeris      - A

Science                  - A

Mathematics          - B

Pendidikan Islam    - B

Sejarah                  - B

Geografi                 - B

Kemahiran Hidup   - B

Um I've expected a C for my Maths but Alhamdulillah I got a B instead (that is one of the little things that I'm proud of myself because it was unexpected) & I should stop talking about my PMR result since it was a long gone story & I'm here, suffering with my current subjects okay we should carry on

I look good in braces! (this is a long gone story too but hmmmm this is for those people who didn't met me in real life yet if ada lah orang macam tu heh whut whut ok ok) I started wearing braces on January, if I'm not mistaken. I have to visit the dentist monthly (now I'm waiting for my second check up) & well, wearing braces suck. I'm not wearing it for being attractive, I'm not wearing it just because it's like a trend now. My teeth are a bit crooked & it's like a distraction for me. I can't chew properly after the monthly service (bunyi dah macam service kereta) & the brackets always fell off if I chew my food aggressively (I did that if I'm starving je okay bukan selalu melahap pun). I can't wait to take it off, honestly.

My love life? Err............................... just forget about the things I've told you about this one guy in my previous posts (dah delete dah) ((if tak sempat baca, takpa. Tak rugi pun)) because we didn't talk to each other anymore & yeah he's a nice guy, he's way out of my league & I only knew him for a month. He found someone better (after he hooked up with me & he found her before I found mine) & I'm glad to know him. Really hope he's happy with his life now, wherever he is now.

Oh, how about me? Ahah, I found mine. I never expected this to happen actually, because we never talked even though we're in same school since primary school until present. He's my senior, his name is Hasnul. He's out of my league too... & people know him as 'the player'. I only knew him as my senior, I do heard a lot of stories about him dated my schoolmates & all but at that time, I don't even care. Because I know he would not even look at me, would not even want to know me. It's a shocking moment laa I meant aku pun fikir apa laa yang dia ni pandang dekat aku. And I used to think that someone sent him to me just to play a little game called 'Crush That Loser's Heart' (memandai je aku merepek en) but.... he's not even joking.

The way he asked me to be his girlfriend isn't that fancy or romantic like other people did to propose their crush or wtv because he wanted to keep us as a secret at the first place (which I don't why he would do that, negative things started to haunt my mind) & I don't know why he keep asking me to be his girlfriend (for a lot of times because I tried rejecting him for a couple of times) ((because tiba tiba dia ajak borak & we're friends for some days....)) but well look at us now? People were like putting bets on us, assuming that we will not be long, & telling I'm stupid because he's a douchebag or whatever lah I don't want to remember the bad stuffs. He may not be romantic, he may not treat me like someone special sometimes (I always keep in mind that 24/7 berlovey dovey sangatlah merimaskan, like me & my ex dulu. Hidup ni kita kena chill ok) but that's what makes us stick together. Call me stupid, call me dumb. 

But I would like to thank my friends that always care about me & I do accept their opinions. Some opinions lah. Sometimes I do feel the negative vibes around me, sometimes they do put me down. But at the romantic side of whatever, why should I ask for more when I really don't know how to feel the lovey dovey things anymore? To make things short, I'll just go with the flow. I love him, he loves me. If he really wants to play games on me, he would dump me now. He would not care what I'm doing now. He could be with someone else right now. Only Allah knows about both of us's inside stories. And I'm not here to talk about bad things about us. Stupid arguments, jealousy, all of it are just normal in relationships. Both of us are learning. Besides, baru sebulan. If everything that he did semua salah for you, just give him some time. If aku sendiri memaafkan dia, why some of you people pulak yang kecoh? People should just stop hating & assuming he's a bad guy just because of his pasts.

These things always running through my mind & thinking, why not expressing it out? I know, they do sound annoying. Then, I should stop here. Thank you for reading, hope & pray the best for me. Till my next post! x

About everything but not quite everything....

I have a lot of thing to share with you. A lot.

Don't be excited.

Hiiiiiii guuuyyyssss. It's been a while. Nope. Bhahaha ok I’ve drank a cup of Nescafe and I think I’ve took too much caffeine. I don’t know how to start! It’s Syawal obviously, everyone are celebrating Raya, wishing ‘Selamat Hari Raya’ and stuffs and I‘ve celebrated my Raya at Tapah, Perak, my hometown. I can sense that this year’s Raya are boring. But who cares, when I’m growing up; things change too.

Before I wanna update anything, I would like to give a birthday shout-out to my bestfriend (yang maybe tengah marah aku sebab tak ingat sangat birthday dia hurmmzzz) Nur Huda, who turned 15 today! Jap jap nak cari gambar kitaorang berdua....

I'm sorry weh, I know your birthday were just around the corner but I just can't sure which day. Sigh, I know you're mad at me :(((((( *marks your birthday date on next year's calendar* nak belikan kau apa ek for this year......... since kau dah belikan aku macam macam :') I love you, my dear sehidup semati fwend, rakan seperjuangan. Kita selalu gaduh, cakap benci sana sini but look now? We have each other. No matter what, you'll always be my best friend. Maafkanlah aku di bulan Syawal ni haaa jangan lupa kek ketupat rendang yang aku nak buatkan untuk kau dengan Nazurah lol I'll try to get one whole cake hahahaha (matilah aku HAHAHA jk jk)

Disebabkan dah pukul 12 lebih....... nak update pasal raya dekat kampung macam tak sesuai, parents dah bebel. Tomorrow, maybe? Promise! Banyak nak share ni haiyooo asal time laju sangat haish

Went missing.

HOMAIGAD I've been missing like I’ve missed my teddy bear since I was 10! People started to ask and ask about updating this blog and when, so most of my answers are “I have no idea.” or “Oh now you care about it?” or even “Mmmhm, soon.” and the truth is, things happened lately and all of my ideas of posting something here has messed up. Now I have the courage (courage? L-O-L), let’s do this.

First thing I want to tell since we’re still in July… I’m fifteen now! My birthday is on 13th July and today is, oh.. 14th August. Ohkaaay we’re far back from that day so let’s move on, shall we?... but yeah HUUGE thanks to those who wished me on Twitter, Facebook and sort of like that. Oh and my family, friends, new friends, silent haters, homos, and my pets, thank you too! And the presents (even though the amount of presents isn't like past few years and for your information, the amount of presents that I have received were decreasing since I was 13. Age factor, I guess....) are super cute and and I thought of showing you guys the presents but I didn't have time to take pictures of it :( thank you Nazurah, Raja, Adria, Filzah and the gurlzz for the presents, my hommies for made my birthday even special and even my dad's staffs Kak Ummu and Abang Hafiz for brought me to IKEA just to eat meatballs and having cakes!

Second thing I wanna bring up is, today is 25th day of fasting. Time flies so fast and yeah we're counting down 'till Eid! But still, I'm kind of sad because Ramadan will leave us in a few days and serious though, I didn’t have the excitement of celebrating Eid this year. Because why….? PMR. It’s killing me and my trials’ results sucks. I didn’t have an A at all, but Alhamdulillah my Maths paper went a bit higher than this year’s mid-term exam. A bit je weh, naik beberapa peratus je still dalam D gak pfft. Anyways, I have 55 days ‘till PMR. 55 days, bro. 1 bulan lebih. And I’m scared (even though people who has already went their PMR days said it’s nothing) because my Maths didn’t improved as I was expected and I’m hoping for B in Maths for PMR. So………. I need to push myself but fdkshfwdjkvbsdb I don’t know what to say.

There's a lot of thing happened after the last post I've updated and now I know how tough my life was. I’m not going to say what happened for a few months and all but I could say that I’m much stronger now. Allah is testing me with all kinds of sumption and I took all of them with helps from my friends and family. And I'm grateful. For everything that Allah gave me.

That's it for today. Gtg, iftar already! Happy Fasting (padahal nak habis lol) and Happy Eid! Until next time xx

Wait for it.....

Turned me one turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on & I've replayed this for 3494914723 times oh god oh god no I can't type with the any fullstop because I'm too enthusiastic & I like one of them soooooo much oh my he will not realize about my existence forever cause I was too shy to talk to him ahak ahak but I do talk to his fake account & that's sad like literally made me frustrated to live hahahahaha I stalked him a lot lately & he's from Singapore I mean they are all from Singapore this video was made in Singapore aaaaaaa my friend is dating with one of his friend aaaaaaa help me please I'm dying hahaha this is so fucking annoying. Enjoy!

Boy:  I miss you.
Girl:  And so?
Boy:  I really did.
Girl:  K.
Boy:  I'm sorry.
Girl:  What for?
Boy:  For ignoring your efforts to communicate with me.
Girl:  Its OK. I got used to it, then I got tired, so I stopped trying and started forgetting.
Boy:  I..
Boy:  I...tried to forget about you, you see.
Girl:  ....
Boy:  Cause it tore me apart that we can never be...
Girl:  its OK.
Boy:  Why is it so OK?
Girl:  I got used to days hoping you'd be back, but then you never did. I started facing reality, and started to get a move on.
Boy:  Wait...am I too late?
Girl:  Too late for what?
Boy:  To court you?
Girl:  You know, I've always wanted to hear that from you. Back then, a year ago. But...I got used to only wishing for it..then realized it would never happen, so I stopped hoping.
Boy:  I'm really sorry, but dont worry, this time, I will make your wishes come true.
Girl:  Its my turn to say sorry. Time got into me. You've broken my heart already. I cant risk experiencing that again. :/ Thank you anyway. For communicating with me after a year of silence.

Source; Tumblr.

"Monsters inside us."

It's already March! Okay, it's kind of late to talk about it. It's already 8th March..... actually I don't know what to talk about in this post. Oh this Saturday until Thursday, I'll be going to Bali! It's my father's company trip for this year and for last year too, I think? I'm looking forward to this trip, it's going to be awesome! Rather than doing nothing and 'reset' my sleeping pattern at home... I'll enjoy sunny sunset at the beach with barbecued fish on my plate :>

But before this dream come true, I'm in my reality, finishing my exams. I've kicked Bahasa Melayu's ass, went kung-fu and beat Sejarah and English, went through Pendidikan Islam, killed Mathematics (but he's alive..) with my bare hands and beaten Science.. in Tekken! But I think I'll be not satisfy with the results since I'm doing revision in last minute. Look at me now, I should go open up Geografi and Kemahiran Hidup books for tomorrow but no, I'm blogging. I'm watching Sucker Punch trailers in YouTube. I'm breathing oxygen, not oxygen plus education! And I think I'm in love with One Direction. Okay, I will not fangirling about them.. because I love their music and I don't know anything about them! Don't get me wrong.

I'm in love with Sucker Punch even though I didn't got the chance to watch it.

I've got comments from my friends, and they said it's boring. I don't take their words like that without watching it first but I loooove this movie when I watched it's trailer.

I really need to find the Blu-Ray dvd of this movie. Like, pronto.

This isn't fair.

"Walk a thousand miles just to see her, see her.

But she's far far away & I'd do anything just to see her face. 

But she's far far away.. walk a thousand miles just to see her smile again."

Bak kata Directioners; "Vas happenin?"

I've always wanted to use that hehe hi there, people in front of the monitor. As you can clearly see, I'm having an emotional breakdown. Until now. Now. I wish I can run away to Amazon forest where people can't find me and got suck and die by a huge mosquito. What if I had the chance? I can see who's gonna miss me. It's because there's no one missing me! Get it? Hahahaha fuck logic, I'm just a pathetic little girl.

The exams is just around the corner, and so does S.O.X. All-Stars Drum & Dance. Yay or nay? I don't actually is the date of the competition but I've heard it's on March. I DON'T KNOW! But whatever happens,  with all my efforts - I'll try to stay strong. It's 97's batch's year kaan? Remember about PMR? Yeah, scares hell out of me and I'm still here, typing junks.

A random fact about me; all the pain that I've gained from exercising and the cheerleading stuffs makes me forget all those things that brings me down. I guess... I like pain? The bruises, the sprained ankle. To short these words; I LOVE PAIN. But I meant the small pains so... yeah. Nuff sayin.

Actually, I'm out of ideas what to say. Maybe you have to buy me a cone of Baskin Robins' ice-cream? Loljk, I'll write sooner or later. Bye!

Did I make you feel.. something?

 

It takes time for me to get back on writing something here. Lost the loads of ideas to express since a lot of hard things going on in real life. But no matter how big it was, I'm still keeping it all in and try not to be over dramatic. And hey, still got the chance to drop by here aight? You know me :)

How's life, people? Don't ask me why I'm asking y'guys. Mine... ups and downs, as usual. But the down moments were little bit harder than I thought but yeah, trying to be cool but unfortunately, end up crying alone in a dark room. My parents, friends are the peoples who push me up harder than before, but I'm expecting the another one person who help them bringing me back. Someone who used to be supportive, someone who used to be understandable. I could not thinking what have happened to him right now that made him changed. I know he is now one of the people who's free from school, and soon to be legal to do such things as driving and living in college while I'm here, stuck in myself. I'm used to be emotional, like now, but I won't asking for more than love, from him after this. Expecting and asking for more is too desperate and heartbreaking.

Other than that, I'm kind of disappointed with him and it's hard to say this since I'm having my ego taking over my mind but I'm disappointed with myself, too. I don't know what to say since I'm too egoistic and mad to tell him by myself for some reasons. I don't want to talk bad stuffs about my own boy but I am too fucking mad about this until I can cry in front of this bloody monitor while typing with this damn keyboard. To avoid controversial things going on, I'll cover it by telling some tips about, yeah you should read. Especially for those who's in a long-distance relationship.

#1 If you're in a serious, long-distance relationship and haven't met for a couple of months, you should be considerate about your girl's/boy's feelings (most of the emotional parts is from the girls. Don't believe me? Check your girl's Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr.). Don't be TOO friendly to people. Nak kawan, okay je. Senang cerita, kalau kau lelaki, jangan add perempuaaan je dekat Facebook (especially kalau add semua perempuan cantik je. Pergh.). Kalau kau perempuan, Jangan nak IM je dengan lelaki.

#2 Send them a very good morning/good night text. If you're working and arrived home at 11 or something liddat, you should text them "Are you still awake?" (text laa sweet sweet, aiyoo). If they reply, don't be like "Ohh gtg, sleepy. Text me goodnight text. Bye." or didn't text at all because you're too fucking sleepy while she's/he's already waiting for you to get home. Lagi kesian if they are sleepy but you're acting like a sdfghjds jerk. Kalau dia macam sabar gila nak mati, please give them kudos. If you're too sleepy, just say that you're too tired and need to sleep or give them night phonecalls ke, chicks digs guys who have sleepy voice. Jangan selalu pulak cakap mengantuk mengantuk, kesian dia.

If they didn't reply, just give them a very sweet goodnight text. Tell them that you missed him/her, and express your feelings laah. Let them know you're there for them. You don't know what have they been through on that day. I repeat, don't be such a jerk.

#3 Don't hide anything. Don't fucking hide anything. Just tell them where you are now, who are you with, or whatever. Maybe for you, it's kind of weird to do such thing. Don't hide anything in Facebook, in Twitter. They'll be a mad stalker when they're missing you so badly. Okay here's a funny story of mine. I knew his Facebook password and I can open it whenever I feel so lonely and suspicious about something. C'mon, if you're a protective girlfriend, you'll know my feelings when you have a boyfriend yang macam open-minded or gatal ke whatever lah. So, for girls yang rajin sangat IM my boyfriend benda benda yang boleh buat I jealous, better watch out. Maybe some of them dah kenal but yeah, just watch out. Tapi kalau sedara ke family, tak kisah haha peace ^^v don't be scared, I won't kill you or something. Just being protective since he didn't pay attention to me right now and luahkan dekat other girls. I am sad. Faham tak?

#4 Make them feel more important and special than your ex. Okay, this one ah.. that's why I've highlighted it with other colour. I'll make this short and simple (which is clearly not short and simple). Don't talk to your ex more than your partner. For example; you replied your partner's texts in a very short message while you're chatting with your ex about everything. Your partner will be so fucking sad and offended because they've waited for you, they also wanted to know about you since they're 'your everything'. If your ex is your bestfriend........ I can't say no more but please, control it. If your partner already know you before your ex (that means y'guys have been friends before going into the next level), think about their feelings. I don't really care if you stick with the 'still friends with ex' statement and you still can be friends like your ex but most of the people say it's not good contacting your ex back because they're your mistakes, they're your past. You know what I mean, right? Yeah, I do contact my ex but I'm still regret about having him as my boyfriend back then. And if I can do such things, I want him to extinct because I want to concentrate with my current relationship but obviously from my own post, my boyfriend isn't concentrate with his current relationship. With me. No hate.

Wow, what a long post. Sighs, I'm expressing this because I don't want people to be sad like me because of this kind of situation. I don't want people to be more sadder than I am. From the girls/boys who got the same situation like I am, please be patient. I know you're disappointed but I know it'll lead to a better place, better situations. Be positive. I have a lot things in mind to say about this but I can't describe it to my fingers. Oh to some people, don't be offended to my post. I was just expressing like all people do.

Till the next post, then! I don't know when's the free time to blog. And I don't have any idea what to type. Hahaha ok ciao.

Friends!

I can't believe I've found my 'friend' on Twitter! Well he's not really my friend but I knew him because 4 years ago, he's a new kid in school (we're Standard 6 back then) and he's a nerd. A cute nerd and some kids mocked him, used him as a joke but my friends and I thinks he's cute....... hahahaha with his bowl-shape hair and he's quiet omg but now he's kind of cool. His name is Fawwaz. Yeah maybe my friends still remember about him. Fawwaz, if you're reading this then don't bangga sangat tau. We're one of your black history and dark past~ ceh!

Well, got to go. Itu je yang aku nak cakap sebenarnya. Random... ciao! x

Smells like oranges.

Assalamualaikum and hello there! Ahh it's been a while since I didn't tell rants and complains about my life. Busy with school, of course! I don't have the time to open the computer and log in and stuffs. My first day of school is okay, and I'm now a morning session student. Well, it's cool. The teachers aren't mean like what I have expected. My classmates were also incredibly awesome. Even though they're quiet and I'm the only one who laughed like a donkey with my fellow besties. But I can't hold on with the homeworks. Makes my brain dysfunctional.

What's up with your life so far? Pretty neat? Going down a little harder? Mine's in between. "Okay, here we go again." By the way, my homeworks are really fucked up so I'd better get going. I don't have the idea to talk about! *cries cries cries* See yaa laterzzz. *cries and make disappointing faces*

Geek // Nerds

Source; The 'F' Word

Google!

Yesterday's and today's Google design is so cute asdfghjkl

Sun, it's Sunday.

It's raining, the whole afternoon is like so dark and thumps of thunders, lightnings strikes with full of vicious, deathly lines of electricity. The sun was hidden behind the dark clouds, and I'm in my house, watching Smurfs. It's cold for a girl wearing brown shorts and a big, thin t-shirt and a small messy bun at my hair. I wore those and I make that hair do because today is spring cleaning! The computer desk upstairs were arranged. The stuffs that hoarded in the boxes were taken out, and the deserted area were full of dead skin cells that was turned into clumps of grey dusts. Yucks, I'm allergic to dust. Yeah, I'm officially having minor cold right now. As always, I've found a lot of things that reminds me of my primary school, my old friends. I miss back then when I'm absolutely nothing. My front baby teeth were one by one 'disappeared' that time (my Aunt Mama told me some mouse took them when I was asleep because my teeth were so cute) and I'm extremely short. A few hours before, I've found my primary school's sports t-shirt. Damn I'm small, back then I was too hesitated to wear that at school because it was so big for me. Now, I'm hesitate to wear my high-school sports t-shirt because it's big (what comes around, comes around.)

Then I found my book that was used as a game. Zoo Game. You have to 'sign up' (a lot of imaginations back then, a lot of it..) and you can customize your own dream zoo. I've drawn a lot of cute animals (I can show you if you want to) and it's proper cage and stuffs like that. But it each person has limited amount of money. 1 million, I think? Well, it's enough because I gave all of the stuffs in appropriate prices lol. So fun for me to play by myself that time... because I don't give a fuck. I just sit at one place by my own and play in that book. Isn't that cute?

I think I don't want to throw that book into the plastic bag. I think I want to keep it. I can do it again, in my room, alone.. or with Tinkerbell. Yeah, she likes pencils. And books.

Oh my god I can't wait for my room to finish! My mom showed me the plan, and she told me it's kind of huge for a teenage like me. Not trying to be a bragger but I'm so effin' excited! Now I'm living in a rented house with my family for a while. So, I'm feeling the excitement to the max. I'm excited because I'll have a permanent house InsyaAllah. I'm jealous with my friend, having their own room (eventhough some of them were have to share with someone) but they have the nicest room ever. Me so jelly.

Plus, I can't wait to watch movies with my gegurlz and him. My friends (especially Hanish Sheckler) always remind me if we can hang out. But unfortunately I'm having problems with my schedule (beat up a business man's schedule) and Rasyid will start his job at Jusco Bukit Raja next two weeks. Nevermind, I'll reschedule and yes, I need some time with my friends before next year. I'm a PMR candidate, yikes!

He's like Justin Bieber. Totally random, I know.

Blessed but unlucky right now.