"Gambar kau dgn dia dkt Instagram dh tkda. Korang dh break ke?"

"He erased your name from his bio dkt Twitter, kau pun sama. Korang dh tkda pape ke?"

"Asal dh tk dgr cerita psl korang? Dh break?"

Ahh, that assumptions. That kind of questions. Nothing but a pain in the ass, to be extremely honest. Where should i start eh on this post? Yeap, it is cute that someone shares about how well their relationship; via Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram........ on everything. Even blogs, like me.

I'm not saying that it's totally fine to feel 'you should brag about your relationship 24/7' kind of thought, instead some people love to hide it from public but to myself, when i have someone i love i'm proud to have a guy who actually loves me for who i am & it's not wrong to share some pictures or videos about how cute he is (since he is mine so...) but depends on people, some of them didn't like to show off often. Maybe they posted a picture of them together with their partner but after a few days, they removed the picture.

Maybe they had a problem, or just plain 'for the sake of my own boredom' or 'maybe i should remove this & later i'll post more'. It's cool, lain lain org lain lain cara kan? But things started to be bad when some people assumed that they broke up.

I mean yeah, some of the couple maybe not succeed on holding things up but not every couples. I started to get questions like that since i deleted almost everything from my social networks & some people who cared (i dont think they cared, maybe some of them just being busybody or some shit) asked me if i'm fine or whatever after they assumed i broke up with someone i really love. Yes i am fine, maybe i had a problem or maybe I don't but seriously, some people who assumed i broke up with my boyfriend before asking really should just ask privately or whatsoever. But eventually things fell apart & we broke up. Moving on!

I do love posting something about my relationship because just like i said, i'm proud (but not being so proud like, bad kind of proud tu idk mcm mna nk explain) but i just don't want things like that to be a burden to my boyfriend (when i have one, lol). I have to respect his decision on being just totally humble (as long as no third party or anything involved) & it's normal for couples to argue & all until decided to not share things like that when some of them not really in a stable point.

To make things short, someone's relationship doesn't have to be under a spotlight and everybody's attention 24/7. When they tend to delete posts about their relationship, doesn't mean they are over. No one knows about their status more than they do. No one knows how far they went or what they have been through. You know nothing about them, about him and her, about me & stuffs. And things that they know, that i know, between the one that we love, are not 24/7 your matter.

Same goes to the people who said some couples aren't really looked like they are together just because they didn't look suitable together or they act like asshole to each other outside. You don't know how far their love went except themselves. They only share what happened between each other to closest friends and family or maybe they kept things to themselves. Stop making bad assumptions about couples. Stop making them feel bad. Stop spreading bad rumors. Just... stop and let them judge their own relationship.

p/s: updated this since i got through the huge break up but this is still thoughts from my mind & sort of a friendly reminder to those yang tersangat sangatlah busybody

“Promise me you’ll never forget all the times we spent together and promise me no one will ever take my place in your heart.”

I miss you.

I miss your smiles.

Because they make me feel calm whenever I saw them

and make me feel very glad if I know they're for me.

I miss the sound of your laughs,

it maybe sounds goofy to you but to me,

it's like a good tune that echoes at the back of my mind

whenever I want to remind myself

how happy you are, with or without me.

I miss the way you look at me

whenever I caught you doing it,

no matter how far or how near we are.

I miss the times when you just talk

& tell me everything.

Facts, stories, or even random sounds you make.

I don't care if it's funny or sad,

I don't even feel tired hearing all of it

even if you already told me about it

long time ago.

I miss the way you hold me,

long hugs, the cuddles or even just holding hands,

the tight grip that says

"I will never ever let you go.",

even if you did not realize how deep it means to me.

I miss being teased by you. Playful ones.

I maybe looked like I'm annoyed

but sometimes

you can't trust my reaction.

I miss your kisses.

Especially the soft ones.

Even a peck on one of my cheeks before I sleep,

or just an emoticon in our texts,

it will always make my day and night

everytime I imagine the feeling after being kissed.

I miss those little things you did.

Like the jokes you told & you said it wasn't funny,

like the way you talk about yourself

& how was your day,

like the way you sing,

or even the way you text me randomly.

There's more of them, if only I can list them all & I love every single one of them.

Even if it's so little

until you feel like I'm ridiculous.

Reminding myself about these things
will always make me feel fine after a rough day
& I will sleep peacefully
if I started to think about you & the little things I love about you
before I went to bed.

No one can ever make me feel this appreciative about someone like you do,

even if you didn't ask me to care, even if you ever think that I didn't even care.

But I do care, I do realize everything about you,

the way you walk, the way you talk.

Even sometimes not having you by my side saddens me

but nothing can make me feel more sad

than realizing that I won't feel all of these things again

when one of us left each other,

when the day comes.

But for now, when I still have the time, the chance

I just wanted you to know

that I miss you.

Only you.

-anonymous

dot dot dot

Have you ever, did something wrong for a couple of times; you know you did it, but someone has had enough with your bullshit & you can't do anything to make them come back? To make them okay with you like things used to? To make them not pissed off about you, to make them trust you back? Yeah, I'm one of this kind of stupid people, selfish & didn't think properly before doing something. That moment when words are fucking useless & I made people leave, by myself. By my own fucking self. I decided to blog this out because I am so pissed with myself. I didn't appreciate everything that I had, until God decide to take them back. For example; happiness. For the second time, I am selfish. I'm only thinking about myself, my own feelings, not other people's feelings. I'm only thinking about my own happiness, until people decide to leave me for their own happiness. & I can't do anything, except accepting the fact that I am a bad person. 

Today, I didn't do well in class. I was sleepy as fuck so I drank a tin of Nescafe, latte to be precise, & I fucked up. I can't stop shivering & well, I think I made my own suicidal move. I puked everything I ate for lunch. & why am I telling you about this? Oh um I'm talking to myself. So I stopped everything, I dropped myself in my deep thoughts, thinking about what is happening & before I went napping, I thought about the sins I did. Randomly.

Not trying to be proud for not being a saint but I, myself, am not a good Muslim. I skipped my prayers, did some shits, a liar, not appreciating everything I had & I was lost. No, don't blame my parents. They're very good in teaching their kids to be a good Muslim. People might think I'm innocent but everybody is not perfect, right? I asked my dad some questions about prayers, & I don't know, I went straight to the toilet, took my wudhu' & did my Zuhur prayer. & I feel so peaceful for a while.

For the first time, I cried in my prayer. That feeling when you just spill out everything, when you have no one to talk to. When people didn't know what's your problem that you're facing, alone. I didn't tell my friends, my parents, anyone. Yeah I do looked dreadful at school today but when they asked me what's wrong; I said "I'm fine, I took a caffeinated drink & I wanna puke. One wrong move, then your uniform will be my tissue."

But still, I am mad with myself. For making a lot of trouble to people. I feel like I wanna move away from here so that they're happy. Because they had enough with my selfish needs, & I think that's the only way to make them okay like nothing happened. To make them stop being mad at me. But now, I don't know what to do.

Who would?

Wassaaaap everybody in here, how's it going?

Damn this is so awkward for me to continue, I haven't update this blog for ages. People started to disappear from this blogging world & I think I'm going to use this blog for some reasons like; bored, got things to talk about which people don't really care, rants, complaints, rants, rants, & rants. As you can see, I'm starting to use '&' than the actual spelling (I meant 'and' lol) & wow, I didn't expect people to visit here (except the spambots about crappy business & whatever shit I received at my chatbox hahaha) since it's like... a ghost town in here.

It's almost the end of February & umm there's a lot of things going on from the past few months. Form 4 is such a pain in the ass & I really should start being serious with my studies but whoops, first exam is next week & I didn't revise anything.... yet. I've been selected to 4 Lukisan Kejuruteraan & it's like a blessing for me but I don't know if I'm worth it. Addmaths is not being nice to me, but I can cope with Chemistry & Physics a bit. I really really really need help in Addmaths, but I don't know laaaaaaaaaa I really need to overcome this problem before it's too late... oh well I should start studying now.

Since I didn't update for a long time.... there's a lot of things happened & these things are unexpected ahh well hidup ni penuh dengan kejadian-kejadian yang tidak dijangka so tak boleh nak buat apa laa kan? Even though macam takda orang baca blog ni, I really should tell everything. If korang rajin stalk my Instagram, my Twitter, my Facebook (sana pun dah macam ghost town), well... you shouldn't continue this post ha ha ha.

My PMR result?

Bahasa Malaysia    - A

Bahasa Inggeris      - A

Science                  - A

Mathematics          - B

Pendidikan Islam    - B

Sejarah                  - B

Geografi                 - B

Kemahiran Hidup   - B

Um I've expected a C for my Maths but Alhamdulillah I got a B instead (that is one of the little things that I'm proud of myself because it was unexpected) & I should stop talking about my PMR result since it was a long gone story & I'm here, suffering with my current subjects okay we should carry on

I look good in braces! (this is a long gone story too but hmmmm this is for those people who didn't met me in real life yet if ada lah orang macam tu heh whut whut ok ok) I started wearing braces on January, if I'm not mistaken. I have to visit the dentist monthly (now I'm waiting for my second check up) & well, wearing braces suck. I'm not wearing it for being attractive, I'm not wearing it just because it's like a trend now. My teeth are a bit crooked & it's like a distraction for me. I can't chew properly after the monthly service (bunyi dah macam service kereta) & the brackets always fell off if I chew my food aggressively (I did that if I'm starving je okay bukan selalu melahap pun). I can't wait to take it off, honestly.

My love life? Err............................... just forget about the things I've told you about this one guy in my previous posts (dah delete dah) ((if tak sempat baca, takpa. Tak rugi pun)) because we didn't talk to each other anymore & yeah he's a nice guy, he's way out of my league & I only knew him for a month. He found someone better (after he hooked up with me & he found her before I found mine) & I'm glad to know him. Really hope he's happy with his life now, wherever he is now.

Oh, how about me? Ahah, I found mine. I never expected this to happen actually, because we never talked even though we're in same school since primary school until present. He's my senior, his name is Hasnul. He's out of my league too... & people know him as 'the player'. I only knew him as my senior, I do heard a lot of stories about him dated my schoolmates & all but at that time, I don't even care. Because I know he would not even look at me, would not even want to know me. It's a shocking moment laa I meant aku pun fikir apa laa yang dia ni pandang dekat aku. And I used to think that someone sent him to me just to play a little game called 'Crush That Loser's Heart' (memandai je aku merepek en) but.... he's not even joking.

The way he asked me to be his girlfriend isn't that fancy or romantic like other people did to propose their crush or wtv because he wanted to keep us as a secret at the first place (which I don't why he would do that, negative things started to haunt my mind) & I don't know why he keep asking me to be his girlfriend (for a lot of times because I tried rejecting him for a couple of times) ((because tiba tiba dia ajak borak & we're friends for some days....)) but well look at us now? People were like putting bets on us, assuming that we will not be long, & telling I'm stupid because he's a douchebag or whatever lah I don't want to remember the bad stuffs. He may not be romantic, he may not treat me like someone special sometimes (I always keep in mind that 24/7 berlovey dovey sangatlah merimaskan, like me & my ex dulu. Hidup ni kita kena chill ok) but that's what makes us stick together. Call me stupid, call me dumb. 

But I would like to thank my friends that always care about me & I do accept their opinions. Some opinions lah. Sometimes I do feel the negative vibes around me, sometimes they do put me down. But at the romantic side of whatever, why should I ask for more when I really don't know how to feel the lovey dovey things anymore? To make things short, I'll just go with the flow. I love him, he loves me. If he really wants to play games on me, he would dump me now. He would not care what I'm doing now. He could be with someone else right now. Only Allah knows about both of us's inside stories. And I'm not here to talk about bad things about us. Stupid arguments, jealousy, all of it are just normal in relationships. Both of us are learning. Besides, baru sebulan. If everything that he did semua salah for you, just give him some time. If aku sendiri memaafkan dia, why some of you people pulak yang kecoh? People should just stop hating & assuming he's a bad guy just because of his pasts.

These things always running through my mind & thinking, why not expressing it out? I know, they do sound annoying. Then, I should stop here. Thank you for reading, hope & pray the best for me. Till my next post! x

I love my country!!

Kepada Malaysiaku yang tercinta,

HAPPY 55th INDEPENDENCE/NATIONAL DAY!

The ancestors have fought for our country, lead to deaths and bloods, just for sake of their future sons & grandchildren.

I learnt almost all of Malaysia's history since I entered middle school (and will entering high school, which I will learn history about other countries and religion.) and I learnt a lot of things.

Betrayals, war & a lot of inhumanity occur 55 years ago. Communists & colonialists took a lot of sources from our country but at the same time, they taught us, Malaysians, to be wise and careful when doing any agreement with other people.

Thank you to the fighters who lost their lives, the fighters who are still fighting, Ministries then and now, for bringing up Malaysia back, for making Malaysia a peaceful country.

I'm one of the kids in the new generation, will make something for this country, even though it's a small thing.

I LOVE MALAYSIA ♥

Ping!

How to starts this *shrieks*. Hi guys! In the previous post, I said that I want to share almost everything with you since I didn't update daily like I used to. And everything you will get! Kind of. Hehe okay nak cakap pasal apa dulu.... oh I know! About my Eid celebration. I celebrated mine at my hometown in Tapah, Perak. My grandparents there are my mom's parents so.. yeah. All of her siblings (she only had 2 brothers) celebrated their Eid there, too. I'm already at Perak 2 days before Eid. Cooked rendang and ketupat, iftar with cousins for the first time this year. And like previous years, we all sat infront of the tv, waited for the Eid announcement. So, can we start with the pictures then?

"Dah macam anak dara dah..." - almost everyone in the house.

Gossiping.

Meh meh laa singgah makan cornflakes, tarts, kerepeksss.

Rendang in the making!

Everything up there happened on last 2 days of fasting. And here, 1st day of Eid.

Hey, have you seen a kid in baju Melayu that has the same colour as this year's curtains wandering around here? Been looking for that cheeky kid for the whole day.

Spotlight of the month.

Candids/tryouts before family photos!

My grandfather's the boss. Dia tak gerak langsung from that sofa. From sesi bermaaf-maafan.

Is not your family's turn, Alif.

Just wanna show how awesome my atuk is.

Okay! This is my paklong's family.

I love my one and only old cousins lol.

Next, my family. Ceyy my mother's family lah.

Sucks for having bad photos. Sucks for not having a tripod. Sucks, it looks like in rush because there's kids datang beraya, kutip duit raya jeeee.

And lastly, my acu's little family huhu

Haha look at that little kid

Wanna see the kids who made us in a rush?

Bad-ass.

So we went beraya to great grandparents's house in the village. They're so cute! But I didn't take pictures with them, they're busy chatting with their grandchildren (which is my mom and my uncles haha).

"I saw a bird... I don't give a sheet."

-

Hey believe it or not, I bake french macarons at my hometown! Eyyy I have proof okay, some pictures. 1st time baking - epic fail. So, here it is.

Only some of them survived. But then they got eaten.

1st time eating a french pastry in her life. "Rasa macam orang omputih dah." and she said it's good but not good for old folks because it's made 89% from sugar lol

I made these on a sunny evening. What flavor? Chocolate macarons with Nutella filling. It's scrumptious until habis dimakan oleh monster-monster dalam rumah. Even though tak lawa and cracked and tak macam macaron yang korang makan dekat patisseries mahal tu hmm.

Disebabkan tak puas hati, I decided to make flavor lain on the next day. Habis dapur opah. And I did but double the failure tsk tsk

It looks fine, doesn't it? (Just say yes..) But what made this an epic fail? The filling. I put sugar-free strawberry jam. It tasted good, and I put these babies in a tupperware and put it in the fridge. After a few hours, the macarons are soaked and lembik macam makanan baby. It's all the jam's fault! I didn't know that will happen so at the end, buang dalam tong sampah. Fuuuuuuuuu-

You all should be in people's bellies, not the trash can.

And that's how my Eid went, kind of. I didn't show my pictures of the apologizing session, the pictures are all shaky and not good for some people's eyesight. At least I cared about my readers do'oh. (Sebenarnya tak nak tunjuk muka lepas menangis LOLJK)

"That's all, Afina? Kata ada banyak lagi nak share?!"

Wait, wait.... sabar! Kalau ada masa terluang right now and nak isikan masa with things that will blow your mind (not your cock) away, stay tuned...

Lately, I watched Vsauce's videos on YouTube and they always share about the things that's cool and stuffs. The things are really gfajigajlghiofj (I'm speechless) so I decided to go to the websites that sell cool things from movies, comics, and stuffs (which Vsauce has promoted). If you're like me (who likes weird stuffs), you'll be amazed?

1. Society6

They sell art prints. Cool art prints. For iPhone cases, hoodies, canvas and more.

You better go to their website; society6.com

More art prints and beautiful artworks to be mesmerized, go check them out!

2. FredFlare.com

I went to their website because Vsauce showed their colourful rollerskates or something like that.

They selling weird and colourful stuffs like pump shoes, and horse mask, and most of it are girls/women clothings. They're so cute and to die for!!; www.fredflare.com

3. Threadless.com

They sold t-shirts and hoodies and iPhone cases just like Society6 (since they're like, collaborating together or something) and they're like, cheap though.

They can made the design into guys' or girls' t-shirt. I can't stop drooling for this one cool hoodie with Mario features on it. ; threadless.com

YAAAY!

4. Luna & Curious

They sell weird but vintage, cute but sophisticated accessories (and clothings and other stuffs) and look at their name, really cute!

I'm in look with the dip-dyed feathers necklace ugh. So here's the website; shoplunaandcurious.com. Girls, serang!!

5. For geeks; thinkgeek.com

The sell EVERYTHING about Star Wars, and other scientific movies and action movies. They even sell chopsticks shaped like lightsabers.

You've been dragged to the Dark Side. ; thinkgeek.com

I need a damn credit card. I discovered some cool websites other than I've showed you today so I'll show all of it, after PMR or maybe on the next post?

Oh I really got to go! Tuition night T-T 'till the next post! Bye!