"Gambar kau dgn dia dkt Instagram dh tkda. Korang dh break ke?"

"He erased your name from his bio dkt Twitter, kau pun sama. Korang dh tkda pape ke?"

"Asal dh tk dgr cerita psl korang? Dh break?"

Ahh, that assumptions. That kind of questions. Nothing but a pain in the ass, to be extremely honest. Where should i start eh on this post? Yeap, it is cute that someone shares about how well their relationship; via Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram........ on everything. Even blogs, like me.

I'm not saying that it's totally fine to feel 'you should brag about your relationship 24/7' kind of thought, instead some people love to hide it from public but to myself, when i have someone i love i'm proud to have a guy who actually loves me for who i am & it's not wrong to share some pictures or videos about how cute he is (since he is mine so...) but depends on people, some of them didn't like to show off often. Maybe they posted a picture of them together with their partner but after a few days, they removed the picture.

Maybe they had a problem, or just plain 'for the sake of my own boredom' or 'maybe i should remove this & later i'll post more'. It's cool, lain lain org lain lain cara kan? But things started to be bad when some people assumed that they broke up.

I mean yeah, some of the couple maybe not succeed on holding things up but not every couples. I started to get questions like that since i deleted almost everything from my social networks & some people who cared (i dont think they cared, maybe some of them just being busybody or some shit) asked me if i'm fine or whatever after they assumed i broke up with someone i really love. Yes i am fine, maybe i had a problem or maybe I don't but seriously, some people who assumed i broke up with my boyfriend before asking really should just ask privately or whatsoever. But eventually things fell apart & we broke up. Moving on!

I do love posting something about my relationship because just like i said, i'm proud (but not being so proud like, bad kind of proud tu idk mcm mna nk explain) but i just don't want things like that to be a burden to my boyfriend (when i have one, lol). I have to respect his decision on being just totally humble (as long as no third party or anything involved) & it's normal for couples to argue & all until decided to not share things like that when some of them not really in a stable point.

To make things short, someone's relationship doesn't have to be under a spotlight and everybody's attention 24/7. When they tend to delete posts about their relationship, doesn't mean they are over. No one knows about their status more than they do. No one knows how far they went or what they have been through. You know nothing about them, about him and her, about me & stuffs. And things that they know, that i know, between the one that we love, are not 24/7 your matter.

Same goes to the people who said some couples aren't really looked like they are together just because they didn't look suitable together or they act like asshole to each other outside. You don't know how far their love went except themselves. They only share what happened between each other to closest friends and family or maybe they kept things to themselves. Stop making bad assumptions about couples. Stop making them feel bad. Stop spreading bad rumors. Just... stop and let them judge their own relationship.

p/s: updated this since i got through the huge break up but this is still thoughts from my mind & sort of a friendly reminder to those yang tersangat sangatlah busybody

dot dot dot

Have you ever, did something wrong for a couple of times; you know you did it, but someone has had enough with your bullshit & you can't do anything to make them come back? To make them okay with you like things used to? To make them not pissed off about you, to make them trust you back? Yeah, I'm one of this kind of stupid people, selfish & didn't think properly before doing something. That moment when words are fucking useless & I made people leave, by myself. By my own fucking self. I decided to blog this out because I am so pissed with myself. I didn't appreciate everything that I had, until God decide to take them back. For example; happiness. For the second time, I am selfish. I'm only thinking about myself, my own feelings, not other people's feelings. I'm only thinking about my own happiness, until people decide to leave me for their own happiness. & I can't do anything, except accepting the fact that I am a bad person. 

Today, I didn't do well in class. I was sleepy as fuck so I drank a tin of Nescafe, latte to be precise, & I fucked up. I can't stop shivering & well, I think I made my own suicidal move. I puked everything I ate for lunch. & why am I telling you about this? Oh um I'm talking to myself. So I stopped everything, I dropped myself in my deep thoughts, thinking about what is happening & before I went napping, I thought about the sins I did. Randomly.

Not trying to be proud for not being a saint but I, myself, am not a good Muslim. I skipped my prayers, did some shits, a liar, not appreciating everything I had & I was lost. No, don't blame my parents. They're very good in teaching their kids to be a good Muslim. People might think I'm innocent but everybody is not perfect, right? I asked my dad some questions about prayers, & I don't know, I went straight to the toilet, took my wudhu' & did my Zuhur prayer. & I feel so peaceful for a while.

For the first time, I cried in my prayer. That feeling when you just spill out everything, when you have no one to talk to. When people didn't know what's your problem that you're facing, alone. I didn't tell my friends, my parents, anyone. Yeah I do looked dreadful at school today but when they asked me what's wrong; I said "I'm fine, I took a caffeinated drink & I wanna puke. One wrong move, then your uniform will be my tissue."

But still, I am mad with myself. For making a lot of trouble to people. I feel like I wanna move away from here so that they're happy. Because they had enough with my selfish needs, & I think that's the only way to make them okay like nothing happened. To make them stop being mad at me. But now, I don't know what to do.

Out of blue

Hi, lovely people. School holidays are about to start but so far, I'm unhappy with my weekend. I don't want to tell you why, I don't want to spoil your weekend. I deactivated my Twitter & I don't how long I can last without Twitter. I'm on Instagram now, stalking people to fill up my time that I usually used for tweeting & some shit like that. So don't worry, I didn't blocked you on Twitter if you followed me there.

I guess that's the only thing I wanna tell you. I don't know what to do lol that's why I'm here. Oh & I cut my hair.

blame to the....

What am I thinking?

What is really happening on my mind?

Where do these doubts came from?

"Expect the unexpected things."

"Hopes, a big no no."

they said.

Random things went running through every cells & nerves in my brain. People might took it as overthinking (yes it is overthinking, can't deny) but for me, it's like taking precaution about what will happen in the future. It can be about anything. Yeah it is tiring & it can sometimes affect my mood. So many things happened in the past few years until present & umm, some of it gave me frights about life & the future.

I'm too sensitive about the things around me. Especially if it's about the people I know, about the things I'm in to. I tried so hard not to be so caring & break my own heart but I failed. Even songs & movies can affect my mood (like, deeply affects my mood), that's how sensitive I am & yeah I don't think people can understand. Some people might think I don't give a damn about my life/them but honestly, I might be crying about my exam marks, or even creeping on some strangers' tweets or Instagram photos & comments by now. I do give a damn about the people around me. Like some other people's problem; if I don't care at all, they'll leave. If I care too much, I'll be hurt. & I had enough of dealing people who left me hanging with unknown reasons & blames that I have to carry around. & I keep blaming myself even though it's obviously their fault.

Enough rants for today (which is pretty random & yeah it's fucking random & pointless). I'm started to feel something's stuck in my throat & my nose is started to block my respiration system. I think this is the reason why I feel emo for all the sudden; runny nose & sore throat.

So society, how's life so far? Pretty good? Had a down fall? Mine's pretty... plain. Unknown. Ordinary. Yeah you don't have to know. I lost my earphone from last week & it's pretty fucked up. I used my mom's iPhone earphones (it's not earpods, it's a regular one) & it's hurting my ears like.... I can't even hear my songs longer than usual. How am I gonna isolate myself from the world properly? Hah, another thing to be depressed about.

One of the things that makes me less upset is my workout routine. Please lah believe that I'm starting to workout by myself. Some of you may know that I'm underweight (38kg & I'm so fucking happy that I've gained weight) & I have to gain 5kg more to reach the normal weight. But when I started to realize my cheeks are becoming more chubbier & my tummy isn't flat anymore... I need to stretch & shits before it's too late.

Oh & Pierce The Veil's songs made me feel less upset too. Even though they made me cry sometimes.

Tomorrow's school.

New principal, means new rules (I guess).

New classmates.

New class name.

New shitty class schedule.

New responsible.

Help. Me.

Who would?

Wassaaaap everybody in here, how's it going?

Damn this is so awkward for me to continue, I haven't update this blog for ages. People started to disappear from this blogging world & I think I'm going to use this blog for some reasons like; bored, got things to talk about which people don't really care, rants, complaints, rants, rants, & rants. As you can see, I'm starting to use '&' than the actual spelling (I meant 'and' lol) & wow, I didn't expect people to visit here (except the spambots about crappy business & whatever shit I received at my chatbox hahaha) since it's like... a ghost town in here.

It's almost the end of February & umm there's a lot of things going on from the past few months. Form 4 is such a pain in the ass & I really should start being serious with my studies but whoops, first exam is next week & I didn't revise anything.... yet. I've been selected to 4 Lukisan Kejuruteraan & it's like a blessing for me but I don't know if I'm worth it. Addmaths is not being nice to me, but I can cope with Chemistry & Physics a bit. I really really really need help in Addmaths, but I don't know laaaaaaaaaa I really need to overcome this problem before it's too late... oh well I should start studying now.

Since I didn't update for a long time.... there's a lot of things happened & these things are unexpected ahh well hidup ni penuh dengan kejadian-kejadian yang tidak dijangka so tak boleh nak buat apa laa kan? Even though macam takda orang baca blog ni, I really should tell everything. If korang rajin stalk my Instagram, my Twitter, my Facebook (sana pun dah macam ghost town), well... you shouldn't continue this post ha ha ha.

My PMR result?

Bahasa Malaysia    - A

Bahasa Inggeris      - A

Science                  - A

Mathematics          - B

Pendidikan Islam    - B

Sejarah                  - B

Geografi                 - B

Kemahiran Hidup   - B

Um I've expected a C for my Maths but Alhamdulillah I got a B instead (that is one of the little things that I'm proud of myself because it was unexpected) & I should stop talking about my PMR result since it was a long gone story & I'm here, suffering with my current subjects okay we should carry on

I look good in braces! (this is a long gone story too but hmmmm this is for those people who didn't met me in real life yet if ada lah orang macam tu heh whut whut ok ok) I started wearing braces on January, if I'm not mistaken. I have to visit the dentist monthly (now I'm waiting for my second check up) & well, wearing braces suck. I'm not wearing it for being attractive, I'm not wearing it just because it's like a trend now. My teeth are a bit crooked & it's like a distraction for me. I can't chew properly after the monthly service (bunyi dah macam service kereta) & the brackets always fell off if I chew my food aggressively (I did that if I'm starving je okay bukan selalu melahap pun). I can't wait to take it off, honestly.

My love life? Err............................... just forget about the things I've told you about this one guy in my previous posts (dah delete dah) ((if tak sempat baca, takpa. Tak rugi pun)) because we didn't talk to each other anymore & yeah he's a nice guy, he's way out of my league & I only knew him for a month. He found someone better (after he hooked up with me & he found her before I found mine) & I'm glad to know him. Really hope he's happy with his life now, wherever he is now.

Oh, how about me? Ahah, I found mine. I never expected this to happen actually, because we never talked even though we're in same school since primary school until present. He's my senior, his name is Hasnul. He's out of my league too... & people know him as 'the player'. I only knew him as my senior, I do heard a lot of stories about him dated my schoolmates & all but at that time, I don't even care. Because I know he would not even look at me, would not even want to know me. It's a shocking moment laa I meant aku pun fikir apa laa yang dia ni pandang dekat aku. And I used to think that someone sent him to me just to play a little game called 'Crush That Loser's Heart' (memandai je aku merepek en) but.... he's not even joking.

The way he asked me to be his girlfriend isn't that fancy or romantic like other people did to propose their crush or wtv because he wanted to keep us as a secret at the first place (which I don't why he would do that, negative things started to haunt my mind) & I don't know why he keep asking me to be his girlfriend (for a lot of times because I tried rejecting him for a couple of times) ((because tiba tiba dia ajak borak & we're friends for some days....)) but well look at us now? People were like putting bets on us, assuming that we will not be long, & telling I'm stupid because he's a douchebag or whatever lah I don't want to remember the bad stuffs. He may not be romantic, he may not treat me like someone special sometimes (I always keep in mind that 24/7 berlovey dovey sangatlah merimaskan, like me & my ex dulu. Hidup ni kita kena chill ok) but that's what makes us stick together. Call me stupid, call me dumb. 

But I would like to thank my friends that always care about me & I do accept their opinions. Some opinions lah. Sometimes I do feel the negative vibes around me, sometimes they do put me down. But at the romantic side of whatever, why should I ask for more when I really don't know how to feel the lovey dovey things anymore? To make things short, I'll just go with the flow. I love him, he loves me. If he really wants to play games on me, he would dump me now. He would not care what I'm doing now. He could be with someone else right now. Only Allah knows about both of us's inside stories. And I'm not here to talk about bad things about us. Stupid arguments, jealousy, all of it are just normal in relationships. Both of us are learning. Besides, baru sebulan. If everything that he did semua salah for you, just give him some time. If aku sendiri memaafkan dia, why some of you people pulak yang kecoh? People should just stop hating & assuming he's a bad guy just because of his pasts.

These things always running through my mind & thinking, why not expressing it out? I know, they do sound annoying. Then, I should stop here. Thank you for reading, hope & pray the best for me. Till my next post! x

Wazzaaaap

Gambar curi. I know.

Wazzaaaaaap omg idk why I'm so fucking enthusiastic about this hamageeerd it's been a fucking while I didn't post like anythiiiing *gedik voice*. I am so speechless but at the same time I was like.. "I should update something like people care about what happened to my life before PMR, during PMR, after PMR, few months after PMR and this school holiday" like daaaaah I should. I should. And it's been a while, browsing the Internet and read other people's blog. I thought I would be lifeless after PMR but my computer broke down and exploded (it really does exploded ok) and I was frustrated because all of my pictures and stuffs are in that fucking computer (don't ask me if there's any porn in my personal files) and I had an Internet breakdown (depression, ideas can't be shared) so I was enjoying the school holidays like.... a lifeless kid. Sleep late, woke up late, eat, watch tv, bullshit.

Other than that, I went to some places jugak laa because it's school holiday kaan. But before that, I am lost of words. I'm blogging using mom's laptop now, and I am happy because before this, this laptop doesn't have Google Chrome, Firefox Mozilla wtv fuck it is. Only Internet Explorer. You know kaaan that Internet Explorer is crap. Slow like hell, fed up I tau. And I ask my dad how to download since this laptop has a special password when downloading stuffs but then when my dad explains.... I was like..... OK. And here I am, petah bertyping!

I would like to update about everything. About my holidays, about my kitty!! (tak update pun pasal Eowyn so.. I should. I should.), about my life and other things lah kan. But not now lah, I am still excited so I'm gonna Tumblr-ing until I drop. Or webcam or wtv lah kan ^^ gonna conquer this laptop I DON'T CAREEEE.

Wait for it.....

Turned me one turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on turned me on & I've replayed this for 3494914723 times oh god oh god no I can't type with the any fullstop because I'm too enthusiastic & I like one of them soooooo much oh my he will not realize about my existence forever cause I was too shy to talk to him ahak ahak but I do talk to his fake account & that's sad like literally made me frustrated to live hahahahaha I stalked him a lot lately & he's from Singapore I mean they are all from Singapore this video was made in Singapore aaaaaaa my friend is dating with one of his friend aaaaaaa help me please I'm dying hahaha this is so fucking annoying. Enjoy!

Don't do anything stupid okay?

Alone; An emotional feeling you get when you feel that there is no one there to support you or, sometimes, love you.

Lonely; A feeling that is indescribable to those who have not felt it, and needs no description to those who have. That desolate feeling of being left out, left behind, and being all alone forever. This not only applies to love (though they bring the strongest effect) but also major life changes - graduation, deaths, etc.. It is the hole that appears in your heart, which cannot be filled by your efforts alone. In such a case, crying occurs and is often encouraged as it heals the soul. Example: "I want to be with her forever, but I know the day is coming where we'll never see each other again."

Some people didn't know how pain it is. Some people think it was disgusting because of their friends being so emotional because of this. Some people think this is fucking ridiculous, and menyampah gila dengan orang yang tengah down macam ni. This is because; they didn't feel like this yet. Or they're just some cold-hearted zombies who always think about themselves. If you feel like all above, please - don't. Or just don't show your 'disgusted' face or the 'oh-I-don't-fucking-care-about-that-actually' face when your friends have this kind of stories because you're the one who asked them why they looked so gloomy that day.

For the loner-feeling kids, you guys deserve to be and to feel loved every time. I'm saying this because I'm having this kind of 'disease' for 24/7 and it's sucks. I mean, I feel I'm invisible and only some people can see me and knew me well. People like me is rare, beautifully rare. I admit. I can love a human in such short time, I can make a person feel loved even thought they didn't make me feel like that, I'm helplessly romantic. For short, I'm a fucking unicorn. People who have same feelings like me right now is a fucking unicorn. Yes I'm being serious *gives magical horns to invisible people like me*. And even though I'm sad because my boyfriend dumped me because of some stupid reasons (and he lied to me), but my friends told me that he is blind and hoping that he will feel wasted for leaving me just like *snapping fingers* that (and at first, I think it was wrong).

He's the one who wasting his time (even though he's the one who wasted my money) because he's the one who flirted me when he's with his ex. He's the one who wasted because letting go a unicorn like me. Guys like him are just.... wasting their everything to girls like me. Seriously. Hope he's happy... when he realized that he's wrong for comparing girls and switching, played girls' fragile hearts.

Okay, stop talking about unicorns. Back to the topic. Even he did all that and I know he's wrong, I still feel lonely and feel unloved. I miss being called cute names like 'sayang'. This is why I feel lonely. When I'm madly in love, people were being single and they're happy. But when I'm single, almost all girls that I know have their partners that always make them feel beautiful, happy, loved. Hoping that I found someone exactly like him (because he's my dream boy, he has all the characteristics that I want. Except the sad parts.) or better than him. Okay lol I sound like I'm desperate for a boyfriend.

My point is, don't 'go with the flow' about your loneliness. You're not alone. Because there's hundred millions of people in this planet is having the same crisis and you're one of them. They cry every night before going to bed like you are. Reading love texts or romantic pictures because they feel they didn't deserve love like that like you are (or not). Hear sad songs because they feel lonely all the time, like you are. Or anything that you feel. Ugh I hope I can find people like this and hug them because well, we're in the same spot. Read the title of this post; even if you are lonely, don't do anything stupid like swallow pills because you feel lonely because of your unattractive presence (how many times do I have to say 'because'?). You're attractive in somebody's eyes and I know about that.

"Monsters inside us."

It's already March! Okay, it's kind of late to talk about it. It's already 8th March..... actually I don't know what to talk about in this post. Oh this Saturday until Thursday, I'll be going to Bali! It's my father's company trip for this year and for last year too, I think? I'm looking forward to this trip, it's going to be awesome! Rather than doing nothing and 'reset' my sleeping pattern at home... I'll enjoy sunny sunset at the beach with barbecued fish on my plate :>

But before this dream come true, I'm in my reality, finishing my exams. I've kicked Bahasa Melayu's ass, went kung-fu and beat Sejarah and English, went through Pendidikan Islam, killed Mathematics (but he's alive..) with my bare hands and beaten Science.. in Tekken! But I think I'll be not satisfy with the results since I'm doing revision in last minute. Look at me now, I should go open up Geografi and Kemahiran Hidup books for tomorrow but no, I'm blogging. I'm watching Sucker Punch trailers in YouTube. I'm breathing oxygen, not oxygen plus education! And I think I'm in love with One Direction. Okay, I will not fangirling about them.. because I love their music and I don't know anything about them! Don't get me wrong.

I'm in love with Sucker Punch even though I didn't got the chance to watch it.

I've got comments from my friends, and they said it's boring. I don't take their words like that without watching it first but I loooove this movie when I watched it's trailer.

I really need to find the Blu-Ray dvd of this movie. Like, pronto.

Already gone.

Stuck with a lot of activities, I'm depressed by myself. Rolling on the floor of procrastination and killed myself with tension. Emotionally dead. Naaah, you're probably not understand what I'm trying to say so let's begin with something.. I am dead meat. With high hopes that something bad will NOT happen but yeah, life's too unpredictable. Only Allah knows what's my next plan, what'll happen next and so on. Maybe I'll be dead, like really dead, tomorrow. Who knows? 

Whaaaat don't make the 'Omg did she just mention about death?' face please, my dearies. Pfftshhsh yeaah, like people care when's my funeral kaan? Ye, aku memang tengah emo gila. All I do now is trying to study with hoping that I can catch-up everything for PMR, tuition 3 times a week, cheerleading, piano lessons, and I have a problem with my timetable. I don't have enough sleep, I'm hurting myself, I didn't eat a lot these days. I don't why but I've lost my big appetite.

Oh the good news is, I'm in top 30 for Larian 7's! Tapi malangnya..... cikgu kira sampai 25 je. Boohoo, I am disappointed. But I gave a point to my Rumah Sukan and I am so proud of myself. I feel like, having an improvement on something is gooood. Last year I didn't join the run but I've joined it last two years and it's horrible. Better skip the story. Maybe I should thanks myself and the cheerleaders for making me active again and I'm in high spirit. Next year I'll try harder and get to go up on stage, insyaAllah.

Heyyy I didn't continue my story on Scripted Destiny. Ugh my ideas were fading away and I don't have inspirations!! So far I've tried to sketch anything, and I only share my true sketching skills in my Science notebook. Yeah, I like to draw organs and body parts ha-ha. And I was quite sad that I didn't have money to by DVDs at Speedy store in Plaza Masalam. They sell Harry Potter pins with DVD set, and a full box of the whole Harry Potter movies and it's only RM299+. Kind of cheap, y'know? Ahhhhhhh I want it!! Oh no, I neeed them!!!

Okay, better hit the sack. Tonight is football fever where Chelsea vs. Manchester United//Malaysia vs. Bahrain. I didn't support Chelsea/MU so.... Go HARIMAU MUDA! Okay guys, stay fly. x

Suck my guts.

What's going on in here? Hey I've added a new music player on the bottom of my blog and there's some songs that I've picked and put it as a playlist. So if you don't like the current music playing, just click the next button. If you don't have your fav song.... I'm sorry! You can see the songs' name//what's in the playlist at the 'Heroes who expressed my feelings through music' page. And if you don't hear it, simply pump up the volume from the playlist and if you still can't find your volume, turn up your volume of your computer's speakers. Hope you like it as much as I do! :> thank you, SCM Music Player and YouTube!

Damn I miss The Wheels. The music who blew my mind away while I'm skating with my friends, the sound of our laughter when we take our break. The tension that we released at the atmosphere, the sadness that goes away by the wind of our movement. The pain that we've been through is gone through the falls and bruises. The cash that we've spent is worth for it. Burned a lot of cash $$ and act like a boss. Even though it's just a disco skating place but people like me can appreciate it. And I even make some new friends (yeah, right..) and meet some people. So that proves I'm not an anti-social type of gal who hates the society. Yipee. I really want to go there with Rasyid but... nevermind.

Am I still a kid? Some people called me this and it offends me. I'm just surviving this world with an open mind and yes, I still don't understand about reality. I'm still living with a caring parents (plus my very annoying sister) and I feel loved. I don't have a job (if the government allow 15 years old kids work at the fast food outlet, well COUNT ME IN!), I don't have money. It proves that I'm under my parents' supervision. That doesn't mean I'm a spoil brat. Yeah, my dad always said if I want anything, just tell him. But I'm avoiding that to happen because I've always wanted to try to be independent. Even though he said like that, he always make me work hard for it. Like studying and prove to him that I'll never give up. But I don't want like that. That's desperation. Desperation for stuffs. Not sincerely to have knowledge if I'm acting like that. I don't know what I'm talking about right now but, if you know what I meant, well thank you very much. But please don't call me a kid. Not by my physical appearance. In a mentally way, calling me like that is just bullshit.

By this post, I'm desperately need money to buy stuffs by my own. Just to make me satisfy. Hey, everybody does having this kind of dilemma, right? Okay I should stop this crap out. Got to go!

Au revoir! x

Say you don't want it.

What's up, teenagers of the world? I can't believe it's already 2012. And I'm definitely don't want to think about school. Yes, I'm going to be 15 and I'll be a junior, again. I guess I have to think about it. But I can't wait to meet my friends! And my future classmates will be so awesome. All I know was Nazurah, my bestfriend, will be my classmate ^^ Huda and Afif will also be in my class. Weeee I'll be a happy kid when facing PMR. I hope the teachers aren't mean, but I'll face them since they'll be serious when it comes to teach students who will face PMR.. shit. I want to be organized, for sure! I don't want to be depressed :'(

Lately, I've watched MTV World Stage 2011 on television (a lot, since I've recorded it.) and I don't know why but I'm so emotionally thinking back about that day where I've hung out with my boy and my uncle plus with his dope ass friend. It was fantastically perfect, indeed. I don't have the pictures since the ticket says that cameras are not allowed but my uncle sneak his digital camera in his pocket but the pictures was so... funny. Not appropriate to view here, lol. Obviously from your thoughts about this topic, you can say that I am missing this moments.

Oh hey! Since the school's will opening soon, I think I'll be not updating this blog like usual. Maybe 3 times a week or maybe once a week? The most extreme that will happen is once a month... I'll be post something on this baby. Hope you guys understand me. But I'll be 24/7 on Twitter since I'm using TweetCaster for Android. Or not. Facebook? Kalau dah sekarang pun jarang, apatah lagi nanti. Hehe peace out!

Washed out from the shore

Once again, a friendly reminder; it's the last day of 2011. The year that was full of sweet memories, fucked up mistakes, cat fights and friendly helps, trips that will be unforgettable and met new peoples. But I miss 2009 and 2010 more. The years that I have choked with laughter, like 2011 but more 'less worries'. Maybe this year I'll be not fully happy, but eventually someday, someday, I'll be. My dream of keeping my hair longer after it has been cut in 2010 came true! It's not long like flawless girls do but I still can tie it. I love my ponytail hihihi okay shattap. I really do praying for 2012 will be the year that will filled with memories more than this year. No more pain. Okay, less pain. And I'll be facing PMR. Second nightmare. InsyaAllah I can face it. I would love to make a time table since I'm in morning session now. After school, I'll have tuition or besides that, going elsewhere to study with my girls and hanging out. I hope my parents give permission to do so... Alhamdulillah my dad said that there's no need to tension because he gave me permission to score 6A's out of 8. But I'll will work hard and try to not give up to score it. And honestly, I hope I'm alive until 2014 because I've always wanted to go to a prom and gowns with stuffs like that..... hihi ok I'm dreaming. InsyaAllah!

So, what's your 2012 resolutions? Play a music instrument? Try to bake or cook? Still studying? Studying hard like I will? I'm going to be so fucking busy next year and hope if you don't mind if I don't update this blog 'regularly'. I have studies and school activities to maintain, extra-curricular, piano classes, and more. My mom said if I can't cope any of these, she suggested me to drop out from cheerleading. I'll try to be less tension, and InsyaAllah everything's going to be fine. I hope so.

So, my last words for this post;

Happy New Year and best of luck to survive 2012

Hope you guys have a great New Year's Eve party tonight with your love ones.

I wish I can watch fireworks and go to a party.

Fiddlesticks.

Last night was crazy! Twitter is being stupid by making a fake rempit as their trend and I would blame people who brought him up. Yes I'm freaking jealous with that fag because of his fakeness. Lol-ed, I was just joking. Apit, I hate you. Yesterday, me and my fellow friends went to the cinema to watch Songlap. It's freaking boooring. Not worth of buying 10 ringgits for the ticket. Thank you Shaheizy Sam for making that movie less boring. Then, we have our lunch at Pizza Hut and after that we straight to The Wheels. I've spend 85 ringgit for their tickets including me so yeah, I'd feel the blessings from my friends hehe (Y) First time rollerblading! Seriously, eventhough I'm not the pro and at that time I've hoped that I'll fall but it turned out perfectly. I didn't fall, I've learned to balance myself and yes, it's fucking awesome. Next Wednesday, we'll go there again!

Enough about yesterday, today I'm doing some stretchings and piano practices. Piano class starts tomorrow and I'll be dead. Because of what? I didn't text the piano teacher about my vacation and she was mad for not mentioning her about that. I didn't text her because I thought ayah's going to text her since I've lost her number. But then........ she texted me about that day's class when I was at Beijing. ahh what a regret.

Hmm. But a thing that have made my day was received a compliment from Tumblr about this blog. Ahh thank you readers, I was hoping that this blog will be not a train wreck :') *virtual hug for everybody that reads this blog from A to Z* I love you guys!

Stiffed.

2012 is around the corner and I'm sorry for lack of updates lately. I'm completely stuck in a lot of situations and vacations. Frankly I've been avoiding social networks because I didn't have a lot of time, insignificant problems, small matters, and whatnot. Yes, if you insists to know; I have problems with my love life. Yup, but it's not that important. We'll be alright if there's anything happened. I can't believe that I have said this. Hmm.

2011 sucks. Sucks rotten eggs and drink a glass of lumpy milk for brunch. But yet there's a lot of hell fun on their way to change 11 to 12. I would thank 2011 for making me happy for only 48% over 100. Omg what am I crapping about. I'm excited for the new year come. Honestly. But I definitely not excited about being a PMR candidate. No, no, no. And now, a new thing will be on my schedule. Cheerleading. Haaa so here's the story. Adria asked me to be in my school's squad. I'm a bit nervous and yes, I must be nervous. Met new people, and the first day of training, I've picked as a flyer. Y'know, the one who's being picked up and make stunts and all that? Yeah, I know I'm small but I have frights. Fear of all tall places. Wow. And I'm hard to collaborate with the dance steps and I'm not flexible. They said that it's okay but for me, it's not. I'm scared, what if they don't like me because I'm hard and I'm not east to flex? How?.. and I'm embarrassed because some of the juniors were quicker than I am O.o there's an awkward moment though.

That's not all, I'm nothing. I didn't know how to make any styles like cartwheel, or star jumps until you can touch your toe, or high jumps. I'm working hard for reaching it. I'm working hard for being flexible. I will not give-up. For my school. I accept the offer because first, I face the fact that I love watching cheerleading. So fun, so confident. Second, they have problems with numbers of the team. So maybe..... they need someone or me. Maybe.

Forget about it. It's my problem! I'm not being active lately, I'm a lazy-ass, not like others. They're active, they dance and everything. Ahhh insecurities.. but I love them. Seriously :') and now I have cramps. It's been a while! Yeah, I'm that lazy. I didn't jog, so maybe after this I'll be active for cheerleading. My mom also courage me to enter the squad before. Because she wants me to be more feminine, more active, more confident. And she will support me and the squad. She also said that I need more nutrition and she will join my healthy lifestyle. Okay I'll stop.

The truth is, I'm excited. I'm excited to be active again. That's all. I don't think about other things.

Oh by the way, tomorrow I'll be going to Subang Parade with my gegurlz to watch Shaheizy Sam's new movie. I didn't know much the title is but it's going to be awesome. I wish Rasyid can come so I can treat him some popcorn and the movie ticket for pay back the drama that I have cause to him. And for saying that I'm sorry for everything. And for saying that I love him. *deep sighs*

What?

Who am I to judge, while I'm still living with my parents. Who am I to judge, while I'm still need my friends to be part of my life. Who am I to judge, while I'm just a teen who's in middle school and still learning about life. Who am I to judge, while I'm not one of the the well-known person nor the smartest kid in this Milky Way galaxy. I'm not the president, I'm not the queen. I'm a teen, with a life, but I'm nobody. And so are you. Who are you, to judge besides the greatest Creator of us?

Sun, it's Sunday.

It's raining, the whole afternoon is like so dark and thumps of thunders, lightnings strikes with full of vicious, deathly lines of electricity. The sun was hidden behind the dark clouds, and I'm in my house, watching Smurfs. It's cold for a girl wearing brown shorts and a big, thin t-shirt and a small messy bun at my hair. I wore those and I make that hair do because today is spring cleaning! The computer desk upstairs were arranged. The stuffs that hoarded in the boxes were taken out, and the deserted area were full of dead skin cells that was turned into clumps of grey dusts. Yucks, I'm allergic to dust. Yeah, I'm officially having minor cold right now. As always, I've found a lot of things that reminds me of my primary school, my old friends. I miss back then when I'm absolutely nothing. My front baby teeth were one by one 'disappeared' that time (my Aunt Mama told me some mouse took them when I was asleep because my teeth were so cute) and I'm extremely short. A few hours before, I've found my primary school's sports t-shirt. Damn I'm small, back then I was too hesitated to wear that at school because it was so big for me. Now, I'm hesitate to wear my high-school sports t-shirt because it's big (what comes around, comes around.)

Then I found my book that was used as a game. Zoo Game. You have to 'sign up' (a lot of imaginations back then, a lot of it..) and you can customize your own dream zoo. I've drawn a lot of cute animals (I can show you if you want to) and it's proper cage and stuffs like that. But it each person has limited amount of money. 1 million, I think? Well, it's enough because I gave all of the stuffs in appropriate prices lol. So fun for me to play by myself that time... because I don't give a fuck. I just sit at one place by my own and play in that book. Isn't that cute?

I think I don't want to throw that book into the plastic bag. I think I want to keep it. I can do it again, in my room, alone.. or with Tinkerbell. Yeah, she likes pencils. And books.

Oh my god I can't wait for my room to finish! My mom showed me the plan, and she told me it's kind of huge for a teenage like me. Not trying to be a bragger but I'm so effin' excited! Now I'm living in a rented house with my family for a while. So, I'm feeling the excitement to the max. I'm excited because I'll have a permanent house InsyaAllah. I'm jealous with my friend, having their own room (eventhough some of them were have to share with someone) but they have the nicest room ever. Me so jelly.

Plus, I can't wait to watch movies with my gegurlz and him. My friends (especially Hanish Sheckler) always remind me if we can hang out. But unfortunately I'm having problems with my schedule (beat up a business man's schedule) and Rasyid will start his job at Jusco Bukit Raja next two weeks. Nevermind, I'll reschedule and yes, I need some time with my friends before next year. I'm a PMR candidate, yikes!

He's like Justin Bieber. Totally random, I know.

Let me guess?

Happy Monday, y'guys! Oh wait.. 94's were fighting. Goodluck for your SPM, 94's! Hope you all pass the big test with flying colours of skittles and unicorns~ and live happily ever after. Damn I feel guilty because, they're the ones who make my school closed early than expected JUST to get ready for their test. I owe you guys, lol.

Well, I didn't have anything to talk about. I'm completely have no ideas. Being frantic! Right now my daily routine since the first day of school holiday is;

• Wake up at 11.30 a.m.
• Wash face and teeth.
• Have breakfast or brunch..
• Take a long bath.
• Watch television. (while having lunch if hungry)
• Tumblr, Tumblr, Twitter, Blogger, Facebook, Tumblr, Tumblr..
• Take a bath.
• Tumblr, Twitter, stalk people, Tumblr.
• Sleep at 2 a.m.
• Repeat.

How extreme, is it? How can I survive when I'm in morning-session in 2012? How? I can't believe next year I'll meet my seniors with my 'morning face' and eyebags. Good god. And I'll have a set of exhaustion and lack of exposure from the world because I'm officially a PMR candidate that time.

Right now, all I need is having fun. Hang-outs, travel, baking (pfft, I wish). But yes, these routines is like my jump-start of being... a professional procrastinator?

Oh and yes, do add me in Skype (puteriadlinafina). Yes, I'm completely new. I know, it's now overrated.

Go off the deep end.

Honest time. I miss being an innocent person. Being antiquated. I miss the fact that I used to wake up early and have breakfast with my family after I wash my teeth. After that, watch morning junior cartoons to jump-start my day before going to the agama school (if it's on weekdays). But that's 5 years ago. Things getting harder, complicated. I think that makes me change. I can't go back. I can't cry to make it go back. Frankly, that made my mind swirling and melancholic. Sadness brings over my whole soul. But things like this are meant to be. Some people didn't realize this. Since I'm not like other people, maybe I can aware this kind of small things. Thank god I have my family, my boy, my friends. And I'm lucky to be a Muslim, for teach me about patience, pleased with everything. Maybe Allah should open my heart that was full of sins. Ya Allah.

Hey, it's raining lately. What a miracle to have a gloomy day to inspire in everything.

Unreliable.

It's like a ghost town in here. Sorry for being an invisible alien lately.

Let us start again, shall we? Hello, people who actually read my blog. I was busy, with school (a lot of projects, teachers nagging and absolute 100% infront of books. Smelling book is kind of fun!) and my personal life. I've became 14 on 13th July! Kind of an old story right? But who cares, I'm nobody. Thank you to Filzah, Hanis, Huda and Kamilia for bought me a beautiful present! I am really appreciate it ;')

Hey right now on tv, it's Chelsea vs. Malaysia. Why's player number 10 in Chelsea come to Malaysia? He's an Israel people, people! He gets a lot of boo's from my country. Why?! He should not come to Malaysia. Okay cut this crap out, I'm just freaking out.

How's my normal peoples going? I'm weird, as usual. I'm into books lately and play the piano. I didn't have time to update this and spend my time with social networks. And I've met a lot of new peoples in my school. A friendly hello to them! Aaaaand I miss my friendzz who recently ignored me. What happened to you guys? Most of them have changed. I miss the old you, I miss the old us. Please don't act. Hate me? Just tell me. Hmm.

-

You've watched this movie? Fantastic. I should read it's book, just in case the book is more interesting. And I need some money $$ because I have a list which is a list of requisite. If that's the case I need to have a job. Car washer, or gardener. Or a part-time typewriter at my dad's office! Or sell some of my crap on EBay. 

Okay that's ridiculous. I hate school, obviously. The annoying teacher(s) and the strict school regulations. But I have a kick-ass time with my friends, that's for sure. 

Even though kind of lonely at school but I'm grateful for what have happened at school.

Am I boring right now? I have lost my imaginations and creativity, plus lost of topics to say. I'm talkative on Twitter, so drop by there and say hello!

Roger out, peeps.