Sunday, March 10, 2013

blame to the....

What am I thinking?
What is really happening on my mind?
Where do these doubts came from?

"Expect the unexpected things."
"Hopes, a big no no."
they said.

Random things went running through every cells & nerves in my brain. People might took it as overthinking (yes it is overthinking, can't deny) but for me, it's like taking precaution about what will happen in the future. It can be about anything. Yeah it is tiring & it can sometimes affect my mood. So many things happened in the past few years until present & umm, some of it gave me frights about life & the future.

I'm too sensitive about the things around me. Especially if it's about the people I know, about the things I'm in to. I tried so hard not to be so caring & break my own heart but I failed. Even songs & movies can affect my mood (like, deeply affects my mood), that's how sensitive I am & yeah I don't think people can understand. Some people might think I don't give a damn about my life/them but honestly, I might be crying about my exam marks, or even creeping on some strangers' tweets or Instagram photos & comments by now. I do give a damn about the people around me. Like some other people's problem; if I don't care at all, they'll leave. If I care too much, I'll be hurt. & I had enough of dealing people who left me hanging with unknown reasons & blames that I have to carry around. & I keep blaming myself even though it's obviously their fault.

Enough rants for today (which is pretty random & yeah it's fucking random & pointless). I'm started to feel something's stuck in my throat & my nose is started to block my respiration system. I think this is the reason why I feel emo for all the sudden; runny nose & sore throat.
So society, how's life so far? Pretty good? Had a down fall? Mine's pretty... plain. Unknown. Ordinary. Yeah you don't have to know. I lost my earphone from last week & it's pretty fucked up. I used my mom's iPhone earphones (it's not earpods, it's a regular one) & it's hurting my ears like.... I can't even hear my songs longer than usual. How am I gonna isolate myself from the world properly? Hah, another thing to be depressed about.
One of the things that makes me less upset is my workout routine. Please lah believe that I'm starting to workout by myself. Some of you may know that I'm underweight (38kg & I'm so fucking happy that I've gained weight) & I have to gain 5kg more to reach the normal weight. But when I started to realize my cheeks are becoming more chubbier & my tummy isn't flat anymore... I need to stretch & shits before it's too late.
Oh & Pierce The Veil's songs made me feel less upset too. Even though they made me cry sometimes.

Tomorrow's school.
New principal, means new rules (I guess).
New classmates.
New class name.
New shitty class schedule.
New responsible.
Help. Me.

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